With over half of all marriages in the U.S. ending in divorce, the institution of marriage is in trouble. Marriage is something special-and something that has been part of all human society since the beginning of time, bolstering claims that marriage is an institution generated by God.
The idea of marriage counseling was established as an accepted practice in the 1950s. The primary goal of marriage counseling is to maintain an unwavering married life for couples. These counselors believe that it is not right for a married couple to abandon their vows and forget the love that once had bound them together just because of some human weaknesses.
However, not all professionals agree that marriage counseling gives lasting benefits and promotes change in individuals. In spite of its many advantages, some people still find some fault with this kind of psychological strategy.
Counseling and Your Marriage-The Pros:
. Marriage counseling helps you know you are not alone. Some couples, especially those who do not like “burdening” their friends and family with their problems, tend to think that they are the only couple who is experiencing their problem. After speaking with a marriage counselor, these couples can realize that they are not the only ones with an unhappy marriage, and can more readily deal with the problem.
. Marriage therapy can assist spouses to understand each other better. If spouses are working toward the same goal in two totally different ways, it can cause friction. Therapy with a trained consellor can be a good place to work out these personality quirks in a safe environment.
The Disadvantages of Marriage Therapy:
. Some couples tend to depend on marriage counseling. There are many instances where people do not exert any effort to resolve their problems on their own because they know that there is a marriage counselor that they can turn to.
. Sometimes, one partner wants the marriage to work and the other doesn’t. When one partner does not want to work on the problems, it can mean the death of the marriage. At that point, no amount of counseling will work, and the partner who wants to make the marriage work gets frustrated and angry.
Marriage is all about compromise. Compromise is hard. With or without marriage counseling, married couples should learn to solve their problems. Counseling can be a place to learn these skills, but should never be the only thing used to save a shaky marriage.
Jill Brennan
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/marriage-counseling-is-it-time-you-went-to-see-someone-122895.html
October 7th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Do you know anyone who went to marriage counseling and stayed together. I don’t. Waste of time. Enlighten me.
I wnatto know whether to bother. Everyone gives you this "Stay friends for the sake of the children." After he cheated on me? Why? I can deal with him as I would a business but that is about it. I don’t know any case where counseling saved a marriage.
October 7th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Counseling saved MY marriage
but the thing about it is you have to want your marriage to be saved. And "staying friends" doesn’t mean you have to hang out. be civil and watch your tongue around the kids.
References :
October 7th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
my friends went to marriage cousleing b4 the even got married just to see if they could handle each other. Well after the counsleing, they got married about a year later. Well they are in their 15 yrs. of marriage. Good luck hun!
References :
October 7th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
We were not married, but engaged and living together with our two-year-old child. It worked wonders for us, we had called off the wedding and calling it quits, but now we are happily married and happier than ever. But, it won’t work unless you want it to. If you’re done with the relationship, then I wouldn’t bother. But, if you feel there’s still hope, even just a little bit, then at least give it a shot. Good luck either way.
PS- Our situation involved cheating too… you CAN get over it.
References :
October 7th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Marriage counseling didn’t save mine… more so, it probably made mine worse. My ex husband accused him of taking my side because he was trying to get to the route of my husband issues… I think that if you truly want it to work try looking for a "MARRIAGE" counselor. Alot of them are just family counselors and don’t specialize in marriage along. 2nd, call around, meet with them on a consultation level and ask about their success rate. Any successful counselor will be able to give you that answer… 3rd, ask yourself how much you value marriage. If your husband cheated, chances are you have lost the trust and it’s really hard to get it back once the bridge has been burned. I think counseling is worth a shot as a last resort.. but realize that if you go that route, it may take years and doesn’t fix your marriage overnight. Good luck to you.
References :
October 7th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Counseling only does good when both people are 100% committed to making it work.. that is why it doesnt work. Usually the person who gets hurt can not fully move on.
References :
October 7th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
If your husband was unfaithful then it will be very difficult, but yes, it can work if both of you are willing to put forth the effort. He will have to do many things to regain your trust and you will have to do the hard work of forgiving him. My mother stayed with my father after his unfaithfulness. It would have been better for me if she had separated until he was ready to get help for his alcoholism and stop the affair. If your children are being victimized in any way by their father then you must protect them. If your husband is repentant and has stopped the infidelity then go to counseling. Do everything you can to make it work. It will take time and if his affair was recent don’t expect to be able to get over it any time soon.
There is a book I would recommend called "Every Heart Restored" by Steve Arterburn. It deals with this very subject of betrayal and I think it will help you.
I’m very sorry for your pain. Betrayal is a deep wound that heals slowly and leaves a scar.
References :
October 7th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
It’s not a waste of time. Counselling really helped my relationship (although we aren’t married yet, but are planning on it).
The thing is, those who are successful in counselling rarely talk about it afterwards – they just carry on, happier than before, presumably. Generally people only tell others about their counselling when it is unsuccessful.
But it will only help if you have the right attitude. My parents divorced, and speaking as someone who had to go through that, it would have changed my life if my parents had gone through counselling at that time.
Your kids’ lives are more important than your hurt pride. Swallow your pride, however nauseating that may sound, and make friends with your husband – don’t let his stupid actions make you a less excellent parent and a less upstanding human being. If you let him make you into a victim, you’ll stay a victim.
References :