I don’t want to completely give up on him as I still have hope for our 15yr marriage. We have kids, a nice home, money saved and I believe its best to work through our broken marriage.
He has cut out all intimacy with me and moved out of our home since he started dating this mistress over 2yrs ago.
Will couples counseling work for us or does he need individual therapy for his wayward ways?
Marital counseling will only work if BOTH parties want it to work. The fact that he has moved out to be with another woman sounds to me as if he’s not interested in resolving whatever issues there were that prompted him to not only cheat on you with a "mistress" over two years ago, but to move completely out of your life and the marital home. I would think that you’d have consulted with an attorney by now and moved toward severing your relationship with him as he has done with you and then resolved the financial issues that need to be addressed. Then you can move forward with your life and find a man that is going to be there with you for the long term. Counseling will only work – individually – if he believes this his ways are wayward as hyou think they are. Obviously he doesn’t agree with you.
November 6th, 2009 at 9:08 am
I don’t believe in "fairy tales" sweetie. This is not a "one night stand", he moved already out and has been screwing this woman for two years now! Do you really think he will "let go of her" right now ?
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November 6th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Is he still seeing this woman? If so, then, no it will never work. He has to want it to work and it doesn’t sound like he does.
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November 6th, 2009 at 10:22 am
I would say he needs both but the biggest thing is that he must WANT to do it.
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November 6th, 2009 at 10:55 am
If he’s willing to do counselling then yep … do both couple & individual counselling. Whatever it takes to save your marriage then do the whole package deal … it can only benefit your marriage.
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November 6th, 2009 at 11:04 am
If he’s been with this mistress for two yrs already, then i would definitely say get a divorce.
the only way i would consider taking him back is if he was the one trying to change his ways and if he realized that he made a mistake and genuinely wants to change.
i know none of us want to get a divorce, but you could be with someone who truly loves you or alone just dating and having fun…
good luck!!!
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November 6th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Has he been gone for 2 years now? Or did he just recently leave?
Anyway…he sounds like he would benefit from both, hon.
I’m sorry your having to go through and deal with this. Don’t give up hope until it’s crystal clear to you, that there’s just no saving it. Only you know your husband and the details.
Good luck ~
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November 6th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Marital counseling will only work if BOTH parties want it to work. The fact that he has moved out to be with another woman sounds to me as if he’s not interested in resolving whatever issues there were that prompted him to not only cheat on you with a "mistress" over two years ago, but to move completely out of your life and the marital home. I would think that you’d have consulted with an attorney by now and moved toward severing your relationship with him as he has done with you and then resolved the financial issues that need to be addressed. Then you can move forward with your life and find a man that is going to be there with you for the long term. Counseling will only work – individually – if he believes this his ways are wayward as hyou think they are. Obviously he doesn’t agree with you.
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November 6th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
you will only be treated how you allow your self to be treated….he is walking all over you and using you as a doormat….while you allow it….it will continue to be…..he doesnt deserve a second chance……he has shown you what his feelings are for you….follow suit…I dont think you can save this. good luck : )
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November 6th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
You lost him over five years ago.
It’s time to accept divorce.
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Too little, too late.
November 6th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Sorry to say this, but if he’s been with her for two years believe me all the counseling in the world won’t bring him back to you. If he started seeing her two years ago, what you really have is a 13 year marriage that ended two years ago…if not literally or on the surface, deep down inside in terms of his commitment to it and to you. If I were you, I’d see the counselor on your own to help you work through your feelings and get back on your feet. Single life can be a challenge, but it is also a lot of fun. Given time, you might find it’s a lot more satisfying than the past two years of your marriage have been and you might even find lasting happiness! All the best,
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November 6th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
it seems to me like you’re the only one working on the marriage. he, on the other hand has stopped being intimate with you, has moved out, and is still seeing his mistress of two years.
meanwhile, you are sitting here in limbo. you can certainly suggest couples counseling. my guess is that he either won’t go or will simply go through the motions of going.
personally, i would quietly start contacting lawyers and planning your end game. this man has been treating you like garbage for two years. why should you have to sit waiting around for him to change? it also sounds like he might be simply waiting for the time to be right (or the kids to turn 18) to dump you for the mistress.
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November 6th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
as long as the other woman is part of his life then no amount of counseling will save your marriage. as long as he is invested in her, he is not invested in you.
BUT counseling could help you figure out what your next step needs to be or it could give you the strength to perservere until he makes a decision to file for divorce.
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November 6th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
He moved out 2 years ago? I’d say she’s no longer a mistress. The two of you are separated. She’s the girlfriend and you’re the estranged wife.
The time for marriage counseling was 2 years ago.
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November 6th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
I think he is not fit for the rest of your life,I am very sorry to say !
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